I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I miss vodka workout Fridays
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
