Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
