i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
