Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
