oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Sober January is a disaster.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
