my room smells like sperm. sweet.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
