Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
