hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
