so explain again why im purple
no
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize