I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
