Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
