let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
