Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
