I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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