you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
