The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The struggles of a small town man whore
not ubering you a puppy
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize