You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
