Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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