Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
