everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
