what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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