WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
