i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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