im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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