Who wears a wallet chain?!
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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