Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
