the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
