It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
