i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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