I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
