I think I died a long time ago.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
