addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
this just has baby written all over it
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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