No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
