I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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