I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
