So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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