So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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