Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize