if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
