so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
