If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
