He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize