man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize