when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
