It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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