once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I have post one night stand depression
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
