I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize