mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
