Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Is it because I queefed?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
