brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
We're facebook friends in real life
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
