people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
