I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Randomize
