you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
