Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My breasts were aching with rage.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
