I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
