Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
