Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
