I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
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