she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I faked an abortion last night.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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