in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
