I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
