i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
