i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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