so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize