are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
