There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
