lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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