so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
