i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
