I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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