i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
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