stop calling my apartment porn island.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
