doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
