Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
