I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
