Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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