Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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