Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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