whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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