I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
