So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize