cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
