so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
