i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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