at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
