we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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