I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
