The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
