I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
