small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
