I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I supernannyed him into submission
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize