how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
