will power is for people who don't want to get laid
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
