we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
