can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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