hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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