I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Randomize
