Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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