I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
