I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
