I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
you mean i was at the winter classic?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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