Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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