"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Randomize
