remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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