I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
