If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
