you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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