6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
