Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
