I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
