Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
