I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
