what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
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