I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
