i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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