You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
