we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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