Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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