watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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