Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
