Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
