Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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