After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I think people are normalizing furries
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
