I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
