so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
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