I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize