Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
